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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Watch this video completely before you read the rest of this blog post:

What did you think of the video?  How did you react to it?  More importantly, why did you react to it the way you did?

Most likely you reacted because of an assumption: you either ASSUMED the video was about something or you ASSUMED the video appeared to be about something that it wasn't. You waited for the "punch" line.

Assumptions are the JOY of our existence.  

Assumptions add spice to life.  A joke would not be a joke if it were not for assumptions.  The jolts we get from the "punch" line happens because we assume one thing and wham! We get another.  Cliff-hangers in movies are built on assumptions.  We are able to drive down the road in complete confidence because we can assume with 100% faith that every other driver will obey the rules around the yellow lines in the middle of the road.  When they don't, what happens? You got it, an "accident."  We never get in an "in-purpose" car wreck.

Assumptions are also the BANE of our existence.  

The wife assumes her husband will value the same thing as she does.  The husband assumes his wife will value the same thing as he does.  Conflict ensues.  No I am not talking about whether you like your eggs sunny-side up and your spouse likes them scrambled.  I am talking about values around things like money, family, fidelity, children, education, leisure, and career.  

Think about your conflicts in the past twelve months.  How many of them come down to not being clear on values?  Truth is, you probably had conversations about values when you first were "courting."  "Do you want kids some day?"  "Where would you like to retire?"  Truth also is there are probably values you skipped over because although you didn't agree, you were in love.  AND those values may have shifted.

People Change!  

Do you value the same music you listened to in high school?  If you are like me (any most others) your answer is probably "No." I loved Pink Floyd when I was in  my senior year in high school, freshman and sophomore year in college. I was not just a fan - I was a fanatic. Opera was horrid. A month ago I went to the second of Wagner's ring series.  I haven't listened to Floyd in over a year.

Are you holding onto the same values in your relationship?  How is it hurting you?